I am not a COWARD…..I’ll Try…

This morning I received an email from mailing list jakarta about job vacancy as a lecturer in Mercu Buana University.  When I read  the title of email, I feel happy because that vacancy is something that I am looking for.   Yeah….After all this time, I realize that I love to teach and I want to be a lecturer. I want to be The best lecturer ever…(sesuai cita-cita dulu sebelum nikah, pengen jadi dosen terbaik di bidang psikometri, kuliah di luar negri dan menciptakan pendekatan dan tools baru.…) so, I think I must apply for this position. But, it’s uneasy, because when I see the requirement of  the position, I found a thing that always make me scare to death, it is “English/toefl”.  Yah.. They require toefl score about  500.

Do you know why I am scare to death when I know the requirement is toefl score?  Because my English very poor. I can’t speak English well and I didn’t have enough vocabulary to help me speak well.  I have difficulty in learning English I guest.

I ever follow an interview in organization “total Indonesia”. I passed all stages of the test ( HR interview , psychological test,  and user interview). but I failed for the last interview, with the director.  She asked me  so many question in English from the first time I enter the room till the end, and she said that “your English is very poor Tina…. I give you two months to learn, and if you think  you already make it, just come and apply again”. The session really make me down.  Since that day, I refused to apply in organization who make English Language as basic requirement. Do you know why? Because I am afraid of being rejected again. I am COWARD…yes…BAD COWARD…

But now I’ve decided that I Can’t be a coward and I will not be. I’m not supposed to be scared and stop trying. I have to study and learn. I had to train myself to be more actively using English. I can make it…..

Starting Today:

1.  I will try to write my thought and my opinion in English (*kalau cara nulisnya salah-salah harap dimaklumin ya…)

2.  I must try to take toefl test in order to know my score

3. I must watch movie with no subtitle (if forced, i will watch with English subtitle)

4. I must talk and speak in English whenever it’s possible

Wish me luck ya…